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My silence for the past few days is attributed to the fact that I was (and still am, actually) in a sort of financial bind. Something which I’ve never experienced before and to talk about it further would be in such poor taste. All I could say is that it’s bloody unpleasant as hell. I haven’t exactly resolved it yet, but hey, life is hard right now, and I am definitely fucking it.

And so, I was thinking, what if, what if, I pimp myself? Ain’t that grand? I’d probably work a mere night or two, at such an exorbitant price, and my problem is solved! Haha. RIGHT.

I was whining about this possible solution to The Vamp when she told me, “Hey, get this. P (another sorority sister) decided to become a nun. She has the calling.”

WTF???

“Seriously????” I never thought someone close to me would become a *gulp* nun. But then, she’d be happier there, I think. It suits her well. She’s just the type.

“I just can’t believe it, though. I’m responsible for bringing it up. All this time, she was just waiting for a sign, and when I suggested it she took it as a sign,” The Vamp said, overwhelmed.

“Well, shouldn’t you be happy that you sort of helped her figure it out?” I asked.

“I know, I know. I just find it overwhelming, that’s all. What about us? Do you think we’ll ever become one?”

“Hahaha. You got to be kidding, right?”

“Why not? You’ll never know.”

“Well, this is a good thing for us. We have a spiritual adviser now. Oh, coz, you know, I think I’m beyond salvation. ”

“Hahaha. I still think you can be an adviser of a different sort. The “High Priestess of the Biatches” or something.”

Right. That could work. Goody. Now, back to my problem.

So I was thinking, I’d probably make a good prostitute. I used to loathe these women. With their cheap colognes and cheap makeup and cheap accent, they’re an easy target for my wrath. Their socio-economic background could be a factor, but it’s not that, actually. While some of them are exceptional–some men get lucky if they have intelligent ones, most are plainly mechanical and seriously DUMB. Men defined them to be as such. Men probably like them that way because they’re rid of senseless conversation and they could get right into action.

Okay, I’m definitely selling myself short.

How about as a high-class prostitute? Or an escort? Whatever. Buwayahman, I need your help on this. I can’t figure out the difference between the two. Are they still prostitutes but of a different league? Since I’m no movie star nor been in a porn film, I guess that doesn’t qualify me then, eh?

Bah. Labels. Who gives a fuck anyway?

Actually, I like the idea of a geisha with a Bitch Goddess twist. I’m not all about sex–that part is a given. That’s easy. And since I’m into S&M now, I’d probably charge extra. What makes me different though, is that I could carry a conversation. And a good one at that. I could match your wit and intellect and perhaps do an intellectual masturbation first (that’s what s&m is all about, anyway) and finish it off with mindblowing sex. And a cigarette.

Somebody told me that Filipinas will never make good escorts/prostitutes. When asked why, he said that they (prostitutes) are so gullible and are easily swayed by men who wait for them until their shift is over. That way, these men won’t have to pay for the required number of drinks while inside the club. For economical reasons that are beyond me, these Filipina prostitutes succumb to the cheap and sleazy and give the industry a bad name.

I, however, want to glorify it. I will teach these women to hold their ground, and learn to have dignity with their work. They will be sticklers for rules and manners. They will become learned in the arts, music and culture. They will be articulate. They will be mistresses of S&M. They will be definitely, a whole new breed (of bitches) apart.

And so, I am opening my…

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I am sooo going to burn in hell for this.

Enrollees, anyone?

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