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Grieving is a bitch.

Normally, I’m a very composed person. With my training in PR, I’ve handled all sorts of situations and to be graceful under pressure. I never crack. I can tell people anything, no matter how devastating or funny, with a straight face. I have to be detached from the situation and just tell it as it is. My take on grieving is to do it privately. Suck it in, live with it. I am the poster child of calm.

But this is dad. My own Tevye. I don’t feel like talking to all these people, repeating everything over and over again from the President to the lowly janitor. It’s completely draining whatever I have left inside me.

And to have him gone all too quickly, without having the chance to really tell him what I wanted to say, resolve all my daddy issues, I have become such a wreck. I took time for granted. He was such a magnanimous person that one would think he would live forever.

I just want to sit by the coffin and look at him, and please, allow me to bawl like a baby no matter how scandalous I think it is (and probably scold myself later on).

So, yeah. Fuck me senseless and let me bury my head under the sheets.

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3 Comments

  1. I sincerely hope that you would get through the emotional overdose that you are having right now.

  2. condolence sis

  3. um, condolence, ang cool, parang paradoxes yung entries mo, sex then death, vibrance and serenity, wala lang, naaliw ako dun sa transition, parang rockstar na gumawa ng love song… astg,
    anyway, napadaan ako, at nkkgulat yung blog mo, first time ko toh dto eh, parang hnde kasi siya “normal” para sa isang blog ng filipina woman, para kang isang anti-it, hahaha, emancipated from the stereotype, wala lang, mahaba na, hehehe, sori.


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