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Category Archives: Death

It’s been a while, I know. I’m coping so much better now, but there is not a day that goes by that I don’t think of him. His death was epiphanic; I am now a changed woman.

Priorities and world views changed. I suddenly find myself juggling four different jobs. Financial security aside, I wanted to throw myself into something mundane, even if it means I churn words for a living everyday. I am tired, bored even, but I’d rather be busy than be depressed.

So this is what I’ve been doing.

And I will be moving soon.


Grieving is a bitch.

Normally, I’m a very composed person. With my training in PR, I’ve handled all sorts of situations and to be graceful under pressure. I never crack. I can tell people anything, no matter how devastating or funny, with a straight face. I have to be detached from the situation and just tell it as it is. My take on grieving is to do it privately. Suck it in, live with it. I am the poster child of calm.

But this is dad. My own Tevye. I don’t feel like talking to all these people, repeating everything over and over again from the President to the lowly janitor. It’s completely draining whatever I have left inside me.

And to have him gone all too quickly, without having the chance to really tell him what I wanted to say, resolve all my daddy issues, I have become such a wreck. I took time for granted. He was such a magnanimous person that one would think he would live forever.

I just want to sit by the coffin and look at him, and please, allow me to bawl like a baby no matter how scandalous I think it is (and probably scold myself later on).

So, yeah. Fuck me senseless and let me bury my head under the sheets.

‘Tis a sad day indeed. My dad just passed away at 5PM.  

I have yet to write a eulogy and I’ll be facing the media later.

And all I could think about is what to wear in front of the cameras.

I am one fucked up girl.